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Last year, there was a spot of controversy over a Brides magazine piece which laid out which wedding pros a prospective bride and groom should or should not feed over the course of the big day.

Specifically, the writer suggested that, in most situations, photographers ought not be fed.

A lot of people objected to this, but there’s a shred of truth to it. Feeding photographers might make them sleepy, and they might follow you home and generally get too comfortable and complacent around humans.

Wait, sorry. I’m mixing up wedding photographers and raccoons.

Of course brides and grooms should feed photographers, as well as any other wedding professional. It’s just a kind, giving, human thing to do.

But this article is not for brides and grooms, it’s for wedding pros. Alas, you will encounter clients not very simpatico with the people they hire.

So how do you handle that, in regards to your belly? Here’s how:

DO: Pack a protein bar

Or any other snack that fills you up. You know, they say Snickers really satisfies you.

It can be a drag seeing all of this scrumptious food made by top caterers when you can’t have any of it.

But that’s show business, hoss. If you see to it that you’re not hungry to begin with because you thought to pack a snack in your emergency bag, then the braised mastodon turnovers will be less distracting.

DON’T: Eat conspicuously

I know that secretly, you subsist on solid foods just like the rest of the world. But I will keep your secret. Here, you’re not a human, you’re a professional.

It honestly kind of sucks that wedding professionals aren’t treated to the fun parts of weddings and made to feel like friends more often. We, as a society, should spare tons of humanity for the worker bees we encounter throughout the day.

But it is what it is. If the cable TV installer plopped down on my couch and watched a full episode of Judge Judy before taking off, that would feel weird and presumptuous.

By the same token, any eating you do on the job, whether it’s a candy bar or a meal, should be done either privately, or subtly on the periphery of the main activities.

DO: State your wishes in your contract.

As noted in the linked article, some wedding professionals do just that; require, in their contract, that their clients feed them.

This is a great and smart thing. It takes away all the awkwardness of wondering whether it would be right or wrong, acceptable or gauche, for you to grab a slice of tiramisu.

DON’T: Ask the host if you can eat the catered food.

If you put it in your contract as above, you don’t even have to ask. But (again, not saying this is right, just saying it’s reality) if you’re all, “C’n I have a lobster tail, too?” you’re gonna look kind of lame.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is, the clients who don’t give a damn if you eat or not aren’t as common, in my experience, as more kindly clients who will invite you to partake. And if they do, you absolutely can.

Sorry to end this here, but I have to shoo some wedding photographers away from my dumpster.