This week’s inspiration is based on this writeup in The Insider of “7 popular wedding traditions that are actually super creepy.

The writer, Lindsay Mack, is either a master of deadpan humor or understates everything in life. I hope it’s the former.

I am amused when editors are such to slaves to style that they will shoehorn anything into their prescribed format. In this case, they want to lead with three summation bullet points, which leads us to the helpful insight, “Weddings are often filled with fun traditions.”

I’m not going to go through each one of these untoward traditions, but for the ones I do, I will give you a more palatable alternative. Sound good?

Original item: “The origins of the bouquet and garter toss are surprisingly raunchy.”

Mack goes on to describe how these throws used to signify everything coming off the bride to demonstrate that the wedding’s consummation is gonna happen RIGHT NOW, in FRONT OF EVERYBODY.

That used to be a thing, and yes, it is super creepy.

Or, as Mack puts it, The whole event was creepy, to be honest.”

How I love the “to be honest” part. Way to out on a limb, there. Or again, this is deadpan, in which I applaud.

The bride and groom no longer do it in front of everyone, so I’m pleased to report we are no longer “super creepy” in this regard.

Tradition Reimagined: Bring Back The Sixpence!

Whatever your wedding vocation is, you can gift the couple a sixpence. They cost less than $5 on eBay and honor the tradition of bringing the gender inclusive couple “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence for your shoe.”

The sixpence can also be tossed (carefully) into the wedding party, if the garter toss it too risqué for your clients.

Original Item: Kidnapping likely served as the origins of honeymoons.

Mack writes, “In a time when marriage by capture (AKA kidnapping) was common, the groom would hide his bride away for several months, until her family gave up the search or she fell pregnant, according to the New York Post. Being taken from your family and stuck in an unknown location was probably a far cry from relaxing on a Hawaiian beach.”

Probably?

To feel the need to state that relaxing on the beach is even DEFINITIVELY better than being a hostage for so long that your family gives up boggles my mind.

Yet gain, the joke could be on me, here, and Mack knows this. Please let it be so.

Tradition Reimagined: Kidnapping Bad! Seclusion Good!

This one is for the honeymoon coordinators and reception venue holders. The more privacy a couple has available to them, the better.

For honeymoons, this means they should feel like they are in Eden and have the whole world to themselves.

For receptions, maybe a private room for the bride and groom to decompress away from it all and share a moment of intimacy before throwing themselves back to the partying lions.

Old Tradition: Bridesmaids Used To Have A Horrifying Job

Mack tells of how bridesmaids used to dress very similarly to the brides, to confuse and ward off evil spirits looking to curse the bride.

Weird, maybe, but how is that HORRIFYING?

Tradition Reimagined: Make The Bridesmaids Feed The Bride

Caterers! This one’s for you.

Back in the day, according to Mental Floss (see item #10), the bridesmaids used to feed the bride “a concoction of plum buns in spiced ale to ‘restore the energies.’”

As I’m sure we all have a plum buns and spiced ale recipe at the ready, what are you waiting for? The bride needs to restore the energies!

How will you live with yourself if the bride’s energies aren’t restored and you could’ve done something about it?

To close out on a less cheeky note, always check with your clients, of course, before pulling the trigger on these reimagined traditions.

Recently, 80 zillion men and women who just OMG love the royals got something new to squee about: the upcoming nuptials of Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle.

I expect Twitter and Instagram to explode during the actual ceremony.

I mean that literally. Your computer, if you have the misfortune to be logged on to Twitter or Insta at the time, will blow up in fire and I hope you don’t get injured.

But already, this engagement has caused a spot of controversy, when it was reported that Donald Trump was not invited to the wedding because he’s a “serious threat to human rights,” per Harry.

According to Politifact, Harry did not actually say that. But certainly, these are those most polarizing times in decades.

Certainly, Trump is a divisive figure.

Certainly, there can be controversies that are personal rather than political in nature that can affect weddings.

Certainly, you should know how to work your way around delicate matters and strong disagreements and scandals that can serve as a lamentable backdrop to many weddings.

Here are some keys to keep in mind:

1. Be As Neutral As Switzerland

Once you have taken a job, the best idea is to simply not weigh in on the row between, for example, the arch-conservative father-in-law and his new hippie son-in-law.

Taking a strong stance in these matters will alienate the other side from booking you when the time comes.

On the other hand, staying above the fray alienates no one.

The only exception is you may want to offer quiet support or solidarity, if you feel it, with your clients. They’re paying you.

2. Don’t Try To Go Viral

This is related to the first point.

If you’re a DJ who takes a job at, to use a ridiculous example, a Ku Klux Klan wedding, it might be tempting to strike a blow for justice and yell out “Meet your new awful racist bride and groom and F*** THE KKK I’M OUT!”

You can imagine becoming a viral hero, and watching the bookings line up.

The problem is, for every awesome righteous video that does go viral, there are 1,000 that fail to, for one reason or another.

Instead, those people stand to LOSE business and alienate entire families, neighborhoods, and towns, and end up having to give up their wedding planner & DJ dreams take a job at Dairy Queen.

Oh, and also, you might get beaten up if you try to do this.

3. Don’t Betray Your Beliefs Or Identity

Perhaps the most important factor of the above two points is that they apply to jobs you’ve already accepted and are actively working.

I am absolutely NOT here to tell you to either take every opportunity that comes your way, OR that you have to stay quiet off the job on matters that are important to you.

By all means, turn down that KKK wedding. Turn down ANY job you don’t feel comfortable doing for ANY reason.

It’s probably optimal for your business if you remain apolitical in all facets of your public life, and that’s especially true when you’re representing your business.

But if you don’t wish to be apolitical on your own time, even if people can tie you back to your business, then don’t.

We’re all gonna die someday, and when we do, we’ll be happier if we stayed true to ourselves, even if that cost us some money here and there.

You be you, first and foremost, always.

Below, are the highlights from the answers that I received.  After reading this list of predictions, I’m sure that you’ll agree that 2018 will bring forth elegant, meaningful moments that we will remember forever!

1. “Romantic woodland weddings will continue to grow in the popularity. From beautifully simple backyard ceremonies to lavish forest weddings. We’re seeing great enthusiasm for the beauty and peaceful ambiance only nature can provide.” – Mark Stover of http://www.expressivephotographics.com/
2. “Hello, blush! The popular pale pink shade is sticking around, but we will be seeing it paired with a darker, dusty pink, as well as, silver and navy! Brides are choosing to brighten up the color palette for 2018 with the darker pink color and adding a dashing deep navy (a neutral that works well with anything and compliments any body shape). This makes it the perfect choice for a spring wedding!” – Rustic Rental Market,www.rusticrentalmarket.com 
3. “Lush green weddings with foliage will be key for creating intimate and beautiful event spaces. The look is dramatic with hanging installations (think hoops, green chandeliers, frames of floral abundance) and tall risers on tables filled with foliage and cascading blossoms.  If you’re dreaming of a wedding tucked deep away in a forest, then 2018 will be the year for you!”  – Jeannie Sheppard of http://www.twolittlerows.com.au   
4. “Bridal separates will be immensely popular, as brides embrace the two-piece wedding dress trend to reflect their personal style statement. By mixing and matching tops and skirts in this interesting twist on the traditional wedding gown style, bridal outfits will marry together different textures, details and styles in either half and create unique looks. Consider it the ideal customized option for brides who cannot decide on a single style of wedding dress.  – Best for Bride www.BestForBride.com   
5. “Couples are taking more control over their ceremonies.Gone are the days where the officiant chose what was said at the ceremony.  Couples are taking more interest in the ceremony wording and order of events.  They are scouring to find marriage vows and ceremony wording that really fit them along with the perfect readings.  Adding unique additions to their ceremonies like special parent blessings, Unity Cross ceremonies, hourglass ceremonies, and box and/or wine ceremonies to name a few are finding their way into most ceremonies now.  There is also a huge increase in couples writing their own vows which always adds laughter and sometimes a few tears and really culminates the personalization of the whole ceremony.” – Erica Thimsen – Helping Hand Parties & Wedding www.helpinghandparties.com 
6. “Hawaii is trending as the leading destination of choice for couples who choose to wed or honeymoon outside of the continental U.S. Why is this?  Hawaii has all of the perfect ingredients for a destination wedding or honeymoon. Amazing climate, scenery that will take your breath away, top-notch resorts, gorgeous beaches, a foodies playground for cuisine, and outdoor adventures.  According to a recent study, Hawaii accounted for 35% of destination weddings Planner. The Hawaii Tourism Authority projects these numbers to increase, as do I. Zika concerns throughout the Caribbean and South America are influencing couples’ decisions when it comes to a destination for their wedding or honeymoon, and Hawaii is at the top of the list for 2018.”  – Lucky n Love Travelwww.luckynlovetravel.com  
7. “Outdoor weddings will continue to be popular with wineries being the most popular venues.   I also feel that the brides will do more hands on decorating.  There may be several reasons for do it yourself.   It lowers cost, plus, it allows a bride to personalize her ceremony with her tastes, and not an outsider’s taste.   If she is creative, it also gives her a chance to express her own creativity.   This can be very rewarding in itself.” – Laura Cummings of  www.soundsoflaura.com      
8. “Blue and White China.  Commonly known as “Willow”, this type of china has been in existence since the 14th century.  Modern designs hint at the traditional Chinoiserie illustrations, but with more floral motifs .  Look for curated settings mixing white china  with the blue and white, and even chargers in this pattern.” Shereé Bochenek of apresparty.com    
9. “Makeup is timeless.  It is flawless skin in person & in photography/videography & an enhancement of each individuals unique & beautiful features.” – JillyanScarpa of http://skinbarandpaint.com    
10. “Timeless elegance will be mixed with earthy flare! Romance looks easy when it is true!” – Tracy Silver of TS Tiara